April is the month of the military child.

Thank God for military children. It’s easy to understand that soldiers and service members make sacrifices for your freedom. But do you think about how their children make sacrifice for your freedom too? I know it sounds a bit harsh but it is true.

The month of April is set aside to acknowledge the military child. Having three of my own gives me special insight to what these kids experience and endure. Just to name a few off hand they move a lot, are often separated from American culture and are plunged into a world not their own…so they have a more global understanding of the world, and they endure lengthy separations from one of the people who means the most to them: mom or dad.

A word about military teens.

Military teens have special needs and concerns. I want to recognize their unique struggles. From trying to  finding that special group of friends to finishing high school credits (when every place you live has different requirements) these kids have unique challenges they must face. Being a teen is tough anyway but being a military one can be even tougher. These kids become better people for it. It’s not easy but they learn to be adaptable, self sufficient, and in addition they have well rounded experiences.

Ways to help military kids with deployment.

For military families separation is a regular part of their experience whether it be due to TDY’s , unaccompanied assignment, or deployment. Military families whom stick together are very close. The family unit being a place of security for children is on a whole new level. Even school or other structured activities, such as sports, may not be a good support system due to “being the new kid”. Without the help of extended family it’s a lot for a military spouse to face.The military community does a very good job of supporting one another for which I am very grateful! But we still have extra care we need to give our military kids so it’s important that when changes occur we do our best to be present to them in their time of separation.

Here are a few simple ways to lessen the pain children feel when they can’t be with their dad or mom who is deployed or other important person, such as a sibling who’s just moved out, friend they miss or grandparent that they can’t visit:

Tokens as a means of staying connected.

These are wonderful for kids. It can be anything that will remind them of the person they miss. They can make contact with this token whenever they miss daddy (or the person they long for). It can be a stuffed animal, something they carry in their pocket or a picture. Whatever reminds them of dad. It’s especially helpful if it comes from dad.

Communication.

This is essential but often limited. Letters, care packages, games long distance, Skype, and emails are important. Your child can always write or draw something when they need to and it can be sent later.

Schedules.

Try to resist the urge to let kids stay up longer or “do whatever” now that things are getting changed up. I know it hard. Keep the normal flow of life going, especially for children who aren’t school age. This helps them feel safe if one thing such as their routine is predictable and remains the same.

Keep it cool.

Watch the news after kids go to bed and be careful about what others may say around them not thinking about your personal circumstances. They may get wind of news they may relate to dads location or situation and then fear can set in, maybe really even about unwarranted things. So talk to them, play games and spend the time it requires to find out what they may be thinking. They may have fears you don’t realize.

Dealing with nightmares, bed wetting, ticks and other undesirable effects of stress.

One unexpected thing I experienced when my husband deployed was regular nightmares. I was very disturbed by this but later have realized it is simply my subconscious dealing with change and unknowns. Kids also deal with a range of unexpected fears and emotions that can also surface physically or subconsciously. Realize that these are stress related and that nothing is wrong with your child. Be compassionate and don’t get mad at them for having difficulty.  In my experience, it’s better to ignore or down play when these unwanted things happen. Remember, your child doesn’t want them either! Comfort them if needed. Usually they lessen as time goes on or disappear all together once the stress related situation subsides. But if you’re concerned seek a doctor, children’s counselor, or other professional (see below). As for bedtime, often kids will need the extra security at night. I suggest having them “camp out” in your room on the floor. This is usually enough to help them feel secure. And in case they need to be with you the entire deployment, a “camp out” attitude is much easier to transition from when it’s time to reintegrate when dad comes home.

More than mom- your support system.

Military spouses are often experiencing their own form of separation at the same time as their children, so mom (or Dad) need to think outside their own ability to be everything for their kids. It’s just not humanly possible- so asking for help and seeking alternatives is a real sign of strength and resiliency.

• Counselors and Therapists
• “Thinking outside the Box”-Aroma therapy, oils or other forms of relaxation can help kids.
• Take full advantage of support programs and other morale building events that come your way!
• Utilize ALL your resources. Military programs and activities are there for you…so use them.

Still have one more chaplain to feature: Fr. Emil Kapaun.

More things related on Harrington Harmonies:
 When being married to a soldier is tough, I hunt the good stuff.
Valentine’s Day Jar: Counting days till dad gets home.
Thoughtfulness: The Best Deployment Investment!Two more places that also have great info:
Military One Source. Free Confidential Counseling and Referrals and more.
Military Kids Connect- Coping with Deployment

This post linked for: Thankful Thursday, Spirit Led Homeschooling:  Beautiful Family Friday, & Time Warp Wife